Some of you might not be aware that I work as a matchmaker during the day. Since I work for a remote business, I have clients from all over the world. They all share the desire to find a partner in love despite having different backgrounds, cultures, and interests. Working as a matchmaker has given me the opportunity to observe some common trends. Many women frequently wonder what men are looking for in women and relationships. Here are the qualities that men seek in women, according to a seasoned matchmaker:
WHAT MEN LOOK FOR IN WOMEN:
1. PHYSICAL ATTRACTION
Men are very visual creatures. This is the one thing that my clients stress the most when they are talking to me on the phone. I often have to say “ok, besides looks, what are you interested in?”
Before you start going into a fit of rage, hear me out.
Yes, physical attraction is important but every client of mine has had a different version of “beauty”. It’s impossible to have a complete list of what men find attractive because every man is different.
I distinctly remember one of my first clients turning down all my match suggestions because they were too thin. Another turned down matches because he didn’t like the “model” look.
The beauty standards that the media is constantly showing us, aren’t always the standards that real people have.
If you ever find yourself doubting your appearance or feeling insecure, always remember that real people often have a wide variety of tastes. Remember, you’re trying to find someone to share your life with, not auditioning for a Victoria’s Secret photo shoot.
2. SOMEONE TO HAVE FUN WITH
When men are out looking for their perfect woman, the word “fun” is always involved. The definition of fun varies from person to person, but they are all looking for a “fun” partner. Someone to go to dinners with, someone to travel with, someone they can go bowling with.
Women often put the cart before the horse when it comes to finding a romantic partner. They are looking for someone who has a good job, is interested in marriage or wants to have kids.
I agree with the women in that both partners should have similar goals, but this should come later. I think the men have it right by looking for someone they just want to hang out with before they decide if they’re going to be with this person “forever”.
When I hear from people who are struggling in their long term relationship, it is often because one person simply doesn’t like the other person’s personality.
That seems crazy, right?
How can you not like their personality?
Yet, I hear women say things like “he never likes to go out.” “He plays so many video games.” “He is always at work.”
These women are victims of not looking for a partner that shared their sense of “fun” before deciding to settle down.
3. A BIG HEART
Many of my clients describe their perfect woman as having a “big heart”. Others have said it different ways such as:
- She cares about me
- She would do anything for her man
- She would help a blind man across the street
- She thinks of others
What they’re all saying is that they want someone who is “caring” and “loving”.
Although this is purely anecdotal, I feel like men are missing that sense of love and caring in their regular lives. So what men look for in women is this sense of emotional support and companionship because they aren’t getting it anywhere else.
Women often have their best friends, sisters, or moms to talk to about the important stuff. They can talk about their feelings, hug each other and cry in front of each other with little judgement.
Many men are missing these kinds of connections.
They look “weak” if they talk about their feelings to their friends.
So when it comes to finding a romantic partner, men are really looking for that romantic and nurturing connection. They want someone who can hear their problems, struggles and insecurities.
Most of my clients have “no preference” when it comes to how much money their partner makes. That being said, they nearly always want someone who is ambitious and independent.
I personally think that many men are happy to be the providers or the breadwinners. They don’t mind if they’re the ones paying for the vacations or for the kids new school clothes.
Yet, they don’t just want to give that all away to someone who has no ambitions of their own.
If you’re an artist, a struggling entrepreneur or an aspiring actor, all of those things are attractive to men, even if you’re not making a lot of money.
They just want to know that their hard earned money is going towards supporting your goals, not your shopping addiction.
This is one that I found really surprising, yet is a common theme among many of my clients. I think what men are trying to say with this one is that they don’t want someone who takes life too seriously. What men look for in women is someone who is able to have fun.
They want someone who is young-at-heart and still has their inner child.
Science has always backed up the fact that girls mature faster than boys.
We women know for a fact that we are more mature than our male counterparts if we are speaking in general terms.
I think it’s for this reason that men enjoy a woman who can take a step back, take off the “mom” hat and just have a little bit of fun.
This is often why women with masculine energy (that’s me!) often struggle in romantic relationships. We like to take charge, get things done and be assertive. Most men either act this way themselves or experience this when they are at work with other men.
I know some of you may find this offensive but I’m going to repeat the words spoken by a man on this very topic.
“I don’t want a boss at home, I want a partner”
6. A LIFE PARTNER
Ok, this one seems obvious but a lot of us get so caught up in things that don’t matter when we’re dating.
Yes, men are guilty of this too.
So many of my clients are looking for women “between 5’1-5’4” or “within a 10 mile radius of my home.”
Those things are definitely limiting their options for finding a great partner.
If you are doing this while you’re dating, you are making a big mistake!
When I chat with my clients on the phone and ask them what they’re really looking for in a woman, they say things like:
- I want someone to wine and dine!
- I want a running buddy
- I want a travel partner, travelling alone is no fun
- I want someone to share my successes with. What’s the point of money if you cant share it with someone?
Those are all AMAZING reasons to want a partner!
Then they go and ruin it by saying:
“Oh and they must have red hair” or “Oh and they must have boobs with at least a B cup.”
No, no, no!!
The hair color won’t matter when it turns grey. The boobs won’t matter when they start to sag.
What my clients really want is a life partner who is going to do things with them. A person to share their life with. I try to tell my clients this and to make them have an open mind about how they date.
You should also keep an open mind when you’re dating. The perfect person might look a little different on the outside than you thought he would – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
WHAT CAN WE LEARN?
So what can we learn from my matchmaking clients? Why is it important for us to know what men look for in women?
Well, I think when you’re dating and when you find yourself in a relationship, it’s important to look at the BIG PICTURE.
I mean now that we know what men look for in women, is it really that different from what you’re looking for in men?
So many times we get caught up in little details that we blow way out of proportion.
I have a friend who got seriously mad at her long-term boyfriend because he bought the wrong color sheets.
I have another friend who made a huge scene in a restaurant because her boyfriend glanced at another woman as she walked by the table.
And myself, I almost turned down the love of my life because I thought he was too tall.
Whether we are in long-term relationships or out there on the dating scene, it’s important to remember that we are all just humans trying to get along.
If you can find someone that accepts your weirdness and you can accept theirs, don’t give them a hard time if they brought home the wrong kind of milk from the store.
Don’t judge them for taking you out to a restaurant that you think is lame.
Just accept them for who they are.
After all, that’s what love is: unconditional acceptance.