Building and maintaining a happy relationship is an ongoing process that requires effort and dedication from both partners. Many couples struggle to keep their relationships healthy and fulfilling over time, and it's not uncommon for the spark to fizzle out. However, with some conscious decisions and consistent work, you and your partner can be a happy couple every day.
Having a happy relationship is not just about having good times; it's about facing challenges together, being there for each other, and growing together. It's about building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and understanding that can weather any storm. Whether you are in a new relationship or have been together for years, here are nine tips to help you and your partner be a happy couple every day.
Be Appreciative And Kind
When people ask me the secret to why my husband and I are so disgustingly happy, one thing I always say is that we're both kind to each other — all the time.
Now, sure, that doesn't mean we don't get grumpy or annoyed or tired or hangry. It just means that despite all those things, we remember to be incredibly kind to each other. I love him more than anyone else in the entire world, so why wouldn't I want to be as kind to him as I possibly could?
Too often, couples think that because they are together, they can take things out on each other, but that should be the last thing you are doing. You should be remembering to be sweet and lovely to each other every chance you get. It'll make you both happier in the long-term.
They Start Their Mornings Together
Fact: How you start your morning affects your entire day. So you better believe it’ll influence your outlook on your relationship, too. Rather than going through the motions like a pair of under-caffeinated robots, wake up early enough to connect and get centered for a few minutes—whether that’s bringing each other coffee in bed, reading the paper at the kitchen table or prepping the kids' lunches while listening to NPR. Make it a habit before the day gets too hectic.
They Check In Several Times A Day
Communication is the name of the game, people. Small gestures (think: a midday text to see how their day is going, or a call on your evening commute to regroup on dinner plans) reinforce the idea of partnership and remind you that you’re in this thing together. Plus, you’ll keep the lines of communication wide open—even if there’s nothing totally imperative to say at the moment.
They Prioritize Physical Contact
Every single couple we spoke with vouched for the importance of physical contact in private (like holding hands while lounging on the couch) and in public (like cross-table eye contact on date night). Why? Physical contact (and eye contact!) are imperative to staying close to your partner emotionally—and many even chose the word “restorative” to describe its effect on their dynamic. And while sex every day might not always be practical, some kind of embrace or kiss each day should be a manageable goal.
They Keep Their Weekends Open
Downtime is the best time—and it’ll give you the chance to get back to what made you fall in love in the first place. Go for a drive and listen to music like you did when you were teenagers. Have a dance party in the living room together after the kids have gone to bed. Or simply enjoy some quiet time doing your own things in the same space. Whatever joint R&R you choose, it means you’ll need to RSVP “no” to that brunch/group trip/work obligation you don’t wanna go to anyway. Opt out of weekend plans and reap the benefits.
They Have A Bedtime Routine
No matter how busy your schedules get, you’ll always have that sweet window before sleep to wind down, wash your face, set your alarm and snuggle up in bed. One couple we spoke with has a nightly traditional of climbing into bed with a glass of Zinfandel and a magazine of their choosing. Another favored cuddling up and sharing their high and low points from the day. Whatever the nightly decompression routine, each couple did it together—and enjoyed sweet dreams as a result.
Give Each Other Space
My husband and I are besties. Yes, we're that gross couple who really likes hanging out with each other the most. That said, we also still have our own identities, and we intentionally give each other space every once in a while.
I'll sometimes tell him that he's being totally cranky, and I think it's because he hasn't gone out on his own to do something. He'll tell me I'm being a little moody and that I might want to hole up without him and read a book. Neither of us gets offended at these discussions about space. Instead, we take it for what it is: a loving, caring partner helping us feel more like ourselves.
You don't have to be attached at the hip to make your relationship a happy one. Instead, you should be giving each other healthy space to be yourselves and to miss each other.
Value Who They Are
Don't fall into the "if only" trap with your partner. "If only they dressed better." "If only they were funnier."
This will just lead to frustration and anger on both sides. Instead, spend intentional time every day valuing who your partner is, not who you want them to be. Value their positive traits (of which, I'm sure there are many) and be glad for who they are. If you can't, then you might be in the wrong relationship. You should be able to happily value your partner without trying to mold them into something else.
Remember That Love Is A Choice
Traditional advice dictates that love is a thing that happens to us. We "fall" in love. We have no control over it, and it is what it is. Well, that might be partially true, but the decision to continue loving someone in a relationship is a choice. It may not sound as romantic as you would like, but the truth is, the key to being happy is deciding, every single day, to continue loving your partner.