Want more excitement? Stimulation? Satisfaction? There are several drug-free ways to spice up your sex life.
If your time in bed with your partner isn’t all you’d like it to be, take heart. Literally.
Having a date night with your partner — to remind yourself of all the
reasons you adore each other and to relax by being wined and dined — can
be great ways to stimulate your libido, says Anita Sadaty, MD, a
holistic gynecologist in Roslyn, New York.
This is one of many natural ways that experts say you can improve your sex life.
Medical Reasons May Be Behind Sexual Problems or Disinterest
Of course, there may be a medical reason why your sex life is flagging.
Diabetes, thyroid issues, cancer, and cardiac problems can lower sexual
desire. Nerve issues, endometriosis, or other problems can cause sex to
be painful for women. And certain medications — like some for blood
pressure, depression, anxiety, and even birth control — may inhibit
desire.
That’s why it’s important to get a medical checkup if you are
experiencing symptoms that affect your sex life and get your condition
properly treated. You can also ask your doctor if it’s possible to
switch your medication to something without a sexual side effect.
But even if you have a medical cause, it doesn’t have to stop you from having satisfying sex.
1. Make Getting in the Mood for Sex a Priority
Sometimes, having more and better sex simply requires clearing your
schedule. “It's hard to be in the mood when you have a million things on
your to-do list and not much time to do it,” Dr. Sadaty says.
Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but you put most of your
important plans in your calendar, so why not sex? It’s best to schedule
enough time to do something relaxing first rather than hopping straight
into bed, since women, especially, need to be relaxed before their
libido kicks in, Sadaty says.
2. Work on Your Mind and Notice Your Thoughts for Better Sex
If your brain is running a feedback loop of reasons you’ve picked up
along the way — about how you should feel guilty about sex or maybe that
your body is too fat or ugly or, well, whatever — it’s time to stop it
in its tracks. Recognize the thought when it appears and change it to a
more helpful one.
This helps your sex life because, as a meta-analysis published in the
International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology found, people
with more open attitudes about sex are better able to explore their
sexuality without guilt.
3. Don’t Forget to Use Lubricants for Better Sex
Sex can be more pleasurable if you add a lubricant, which cuts down on
friction and irritation and, therefore, discomfort, gynecologists say.
You can buy an official lubricant from the drugstore or use a household
oil like coconut oil. (Be sure to use a nonlatex condom if you DIY
because these oils can damage latex.)
Don’t try to hide your need for a lubricant from your partner. Make it part of your sexual routine and have fun with it.
4. Move Your Body to Improve Your Sex Life
You may not think that the exercise you do for your heart and muscles is
important for good sex, but remember that blood flows to your genitals
as much as to your heart.
Men with erectile dysfunction (ED), for example, can sometimes reverse
this problem with a healthy lifestyle that includes exercise, according
to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Even in men
requiring ED medication, healthy lifestyle changes likely add to the
benefits, the researchers found.
5. Get Enough Sleep for Good Sex
Sleep is another lifestyle factor that impacts libido. One reason is
that hormone secretion is controlled by the body’s internal clock, and
sleep patterns likely help the body determine when to release certain
hormones related to sex.
For both men and women, feeling tired when you get into bed zaps whatever libido you may have had even moments earlier.
Plus, for men, getting enough sleep can boost the level of testosterone
(a lower level can be associated with sexual dysfunction), according to a
review published in the journal Brain Research.
6. Practice Mindfulness — and Yoga — for Better Sex
It may seem like sex is the ultimate practice of mindfulness, and while
orgasm pretty much is (likely no one has made their grocery list or
planned a work report in that moment), you may become distracted by
random thoughts in the time leading up to that orgasm.
Keeping your attention on what you’re doing and feeling is a powerful
way to enhance your pleasure. In a study by Canadian researchers
published in November 2016 in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, women
suffering from anxiety-related sexual dysfunction significantly boosted
their sexual responsiveness after being trained in mindfulness.
Similarly, the mind-body practice of yoga can aid your libido. When a
group of 40 women were instructed to practice an hour of yoga each day,
their average scores on a sexual function questionnaire for desire,
arousal, lubrication, orgasm, lower pain, and overall satisfaction
increased, according to research published in the Journal of Sexual
Medicine. The yoga postures they did were basic poses believed to
improve pelvic muscle tone, release tight hip joints, and boost mood,
followed by breathing exercises and relaxation techniques.
7. Consider Acupuncture Treatments to Improve Sex
The ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture, in which a practitioner
strategically places needles in the body, can also enhance your sex
life. Balancing and relaxing the body with acupuncture has long been
used to boost libido, says Baljit Khamba, ND, a naturopathic doctor and
an assistant professor of naturopathic medicine at Bastyr University
California in San Diego.
Khamba coauthored a study published in the Journal of Alternative and
Complementary Medicine in which 35 men and women with sexual
dysfunction, likely caused by antidepressants they were taking, were
treated with nine acupuncture sessions. At the end, libido had improved
in women, while erection, timing of ejaculation, and ability to orgasm
were enhanced in men.
8. See What Some Herbs, aka Aphrodisiacs, Can Do for You
Some herbs are used by cultures around the world as aphrodisiacs. Some
are believed to stimulate nerves in your genitals; others increase
levels of nitric oxide, which increases blood flow to the genitals, and
the feel-good chemicals in your brain.
Some of these herbs include Chinese ginseng, Cordyceps, gingko biloba, and muira puama.
Drugstores and health-food stores sometimes market products for sexual
health that are a combination of herbs and supplements, including the
amino acid L-arginine. A study of one of these products, ArginMax for
Women, was published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. It found
that more than two-thirds of the women taking this product — which
contains ginseng, ginkgo biloba, damiana, vitamins, minerals, and
L-arginine — reported an increase in sexual desire and overall sexual
satisfaction
9. Masturbate or Self-Stimulate for Better Sex
By experimenting on yourself, you can come to better know what satisfies
you sexually — information you can then convey to your partner.
For women, masturbation may have other benefits as well. Vaginal dryness
and pain may be reduced when you spend time stimulating yourself.
That’s why sex therapists often recommend masturbation as a tool for
women having trouble reaching orgasm. You might want to add a vibrator
for enhanced stimulation.