During the time of the Roman Empire, an enormous network of roads was built to connect distant regions. These roads were designed so that the most important routes eventually led back to the heart of the empire — the city of Rome.
That’s where the famous phrase “all roads lead to Rome” originated.
In a similar way, whenever I explore ideas about philosophy, psychology, mental health, or even spirituality, my thoughts often lead me back to one remarkable figure: Carl Jung. In a sense, his ideas are like the central hub in my mind’s network of reflections.
So come along as we travel different paths that ultimately return to one of Jung’s most meaningful insights.
Here are five simple rules for living a happier life, inspired by Carl Jung.
1. Befriend Your Shadow
Our shadow is all the things we deny, suppress, or ignore. It’s our fears, behavioural patterns, coping mechanisms, and blind spots. It can even be our belief and value systems if we’ve adopted them from someone (or society) without much scrutiny.
I found it extremely confronting to discover that the only way for me not to be anxious was to go into all the reasons why I lived with anxiety. I had to accept and love those parts of myself instead of pushing them away or trying to fix them. Only then did anxiety start to soften.
Robert Frost once said, “The only way over is through.” I think that’s spot on.
Suppressed emotions are like holding a beach ball underwater. Eventually, they’ll shoot to the surface when we least expect them.
It could manifest as an over reaction to something small, it could show up in your dreams or disrupt your sleep, or at worst, it could turn into illness and/or disease. All of those things happened to me.
That’s why Carl Jung suggested that we befriend our shadow. Otherwise, it will find a way to make itself known in unwanted ways.
Once I finally built up enough courage to look inside, I learned a lot about who I am, where I’ve come from, and why I think and feel the way I do.
It scary in the beginning, but then curiosity began to take the place where anxiety used to be and then it became quite fun.
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” — Carl Jung
2. Follow Meaning, Not Pleasure
Carl Jung believed that humans need purpose in life, not mere pleasure or avoidance of discomfort.Meaning can be so many different things. It can be a spiritual practice, raising a family, building a business, growing a garden, working out, being in a community, seeing friends, looking after animals, or simply residing in the present moment with pure awareness.
Each one comes with its own set of challenges, but doing anything worthwhile has its ups and downs. Following meaning and not jumping to what’s pleasurable all the time allows us to stick with things that benefit our lives longer term.
Writing full-time gives me a lot of meaning, but there are many days when I’m struggling to put words on the page. Sometimes I just want to curl up in bed and watch Netflix.
I don’t do that (most of the time) because I know that’s not what I want deep down. What I want deep down is to learn and grow, and sometimes that comes with growing pains.
I have to remind myself that, however lovely and necessary pleasure is from time to time, it’s fleeting. Meaning has deeper roots.
So I sit down and tap the keys until something worth publishing comes out of me.
This article came about in that way.
“The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.” — Carl Jung
3. Become whole, not perfect
It was such a relief to learn that becoming whole involved accepting all of my flaws and imperfections instead of trying to get rid of them.Trying to get rid of them was exhausting. It further added to the idea that I was broken and needed fixing. Acceptance, on the other hand, allowed me to be more compassionate and loving with myself.
It reminded me that a smashed pot needs to be put back together again with all the pieces that are apart. If one piece is missing or not included — however chipped, stained, or lost it might be — it’s incomplete.
If parts of myself aren’t fully integrated, I’m fragmented.
That’s not how I want to live my life.
“Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by integration of the contraries.” — Carl Jung
4. Get to know your Persona
If you’re anything like me, you won’t be yourself everywhere you go in life. There will be times when you’re more polite than you want to be. There’ll be times when you withhold what you really think and feel. There’ll be times when you say “I’m good” because you know it’s too raw to share how you really feel with a complete stranger.
We all have a mask (or many masks), and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s quite helpful.
The goal is just to get to know these masks so you know when you’re wearing them and why.
Luckily, I met a mentor who took me under his wing 15 years ago and told me, “Don’t confuse the mask with the real you.”
Later I learned that Carl Jung referred to this as the path to individuation. The older I get, the more I’m trying to honour this way.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — Carl Jung
5. Integrate your opposites
Carl Jung believed that in each man and woman lies a masculine and feminine counterpart. He called this anima and animus.
The anima is the feminine side in a man’s psyche; the animus is the masculine side in a woman’s psyche.
For me, being a sensitive man who is more in touch with his feminine side, my work has been to come into my masculine side. I’ve had to learn how to speak my truth and set boundaries without being a defensive asshole. For other men, it’s the other way around.
Whatever it might be, the goal is to balance both our masculine and feminine sides so that the logical and emotional parts, the spiritual and material parts, and the light and darker parts can become one cohesive whole.
That’s how to create real harmony.
That’s how to embody Carl Jung’s five rules in life.
That’s what’s had a profound impact on my life.
