Let’s change the questions
Everywhere you look around the web there’s always an article on how to find out if the other person wants to marry you. But what about how to know if you want to marry him or her?
No matter if you’ll be asked that question or you will be the one asking it, the best thing is to make that decision when you’re not so romantically blinded by the sunset, the roses, and the wine…
Every article on that website is designed to help you find the right person, fall in love, and start your fairytale story. Still, don’t believe in fairy tales? We do. Because we live in one of it.
How to know if you want to marry him/her?
“Because I can’t imagine my life without him/her” is the wrong answer. Moreover, a response like that means you have no idea why you love the other and why you want to get married. Usually, after such an epic statement life shows us that yes, we can and have to live without him/her.
Marriage is a relationship, but it is a commitment as well. And we often forget its meaning. To me, marriage is almost sacred and binds people together with the idea to be even stronger together.
Marriage gives us the opportunities to encourage each other to be even better versions of ourselves. It pushes the worst and the best out of us.
A successful marriage doesn’t ask but demands the ability to forgive, to compromise, to listen, to feel the other and to find love all over again, and again.
Nobody can tell us if our marriage will be successful or not. Yet, some aspects can guarantee you a pleasant start.
Respect or the lack of respect is at the base of every single relationship we have – with a parent, child, friend, colleagues, etc.
It’s even more critical when it’s the partner’s respect as that is the person you want to spend your life with.
Without respect, your marriage is doomed. If you’re not sure your partner respects you, then he/she probably doesn’t. The best part about it – it’s not something we can fake for a long time.
Yes, many people fake respect. As crazy as it sounds.
But for the people, we see every day is hard to pretend they respect us for too long. It’s not always about the big gestures. Life is in the small things, as well as respect.
To be able to find the answer to your question if you want to marry him/her, that’s an unusual way to look at the things.
Everyday life can be hard sometimes. Either is going to be a rough day at work, an illness, “those days of the month” moodiness or a broken car – care is all we need to feel better.
The care for the other is half of the work for a successful marriage done.
Just think about it for a moment. What would it be a life with constant care for the other?
If he doesn’t feel well instead of moaning how men act like they’re dying every time they have a cold (for the record – yes, they do!), just put the pills in his hand, make him a tea and kiss him. Everyone needs that when they don’t feel well.
When she’s in her “moody” days, and it’s not fun to communicate, a simple hug and assurance she’s your beautiful girl could do wonders. If that doesn’t work, reach out to a woman’s best friend… No, it’s not diamonds. Chocolate! Chocolate is the woman’s best friend!
When the other feels stressed ask what happened, listen and sympathise instead of judging.
That’s care. And we need it every day of our lives. Please, offer the same or even more in return.
3. Life Goals and Plans
You need to share the same life goals and plans. Even if you’re so different and especially if you want to marry him/her.
What do I mean? Yes, you are different and should be like that. Yes, you have different dreams and goals you want to achieve, and it should be like that.
But they still have to match each other.
For instance – if your dream is to travel around the world till your middle 30s and live life day by day, and your partner’s vision is to get to the highest possible position in the company they work for… you know one of those is not going to happen.
To know if you really want to marry him/her, you need to walk in the same direction.
Achieving your dreams shouldn’t ruin his and vice versa.
I know I said compromises, but those are the compromises you shouldn’t do for anyone. Love is not based on that type of compromises.
You should both want children, or both don’t want children. You should both want a life on the road, or you should both like to settle in one place. The dreams are individual, but the direction has to be the same.
To achieve our dreams, we may need some help. I am not a person that asks for help, believe me.
But I can assure you the person you want to marry should provide you with that help. And you should help him/her the same way. Motivation!
Motivation to study for that exam he/she really hates. Motivation to go to work on Monday morning (yes, we all need that). Motivation to keep applying for the job of their dreams, even after two months of no replies. Motivation to keep working out. Motivation to eat healthily. Motivation to smile more often. Motivation, motivation, motivation.
The best part of being married is the fact you have a personal fan in the eyes of the other. A fan that loves you supports you, pushes you to be better, to get to a better secret place. He motivates you. Please, offer the same and even more.
Same plans, same goals but freedom is a necessity.
The other should allow you to express yourself in the way you want (as long as it’s respectful, of course).
You should feel free to speak out what you think when you feel it and to do what makes you happy.
When you are with him/her freedom is knowing you’re yourself – laughing, talking, even crying. If you don’t hold anything back and the other’s still happy with you – that’s freedom. Please, offer the same and even more.
6. Financially getting on
Marriage is not only red roses and romantic songs. Money is part of married couples’ life too. A significant part of it.
You and your partner will be bonded together, and that includes the financial part as well.
Everyone has a different culture about money. I worked in a bank for almost ten years and believe it or not – money is a thing not everyone gets and understands.
I’ve made many financial mistakes but found ways to save when I want to save, to spend when I need to spend, and to stay money-wise all the time.
I am currently working on an E-Book about family and single budgeting, sharing the knowledge I gained for these ten years in the financial world, so if you want to be notified when it’s out and have a special discount, make sure just to claim it here.
Probably the biggest disappointment in the family after the wedding is the realisation that how you manage your money is different than how your new spouse does it.
It happens so often that I wonder – What was he/she thinking before the wedding? What was he/she looking at?
A new house, cars, student loans, credit cards – these are the usual luggage we bring in the first year of marriage. The way the other spends his/her money is so important that it may save or ruin your marriage.
So pay attention to the financial part before the actual wedding. There’s nothing wrong in that, believe me. You need to be sure the person you will spend your life with has the same visions as you do.
Those are my six secrets to find out if you want to marry him/her. Give yourself only five minutes to consider if what you need is what you get. And as I said a few times above – please, give the same and even more.